You don’t speak French? No problem, neither do I, really. Oh, my high-school French serves in a pinch and yours probably does too, but why knock ourselves out when Google Translate is such an able servant? Thanks to this tireless polyglot-bot, a mouse click gets you the translation of any text or web page in any of 45 languages.
This came in very handy the other week when I spotted Sandra’s dazzling and decadent chocolate salami and had to have it. Feeling lazy, I called upon our trusty GT to produce the English translation of the recipe, and commenced reading through the ingredient list:
- 200g dark chocolate 70%. Check. I actually had exactly this amount left over from my Christmas baking. Sitting untouched for over a week in my cupboard. I amaze myself sometimes.
- 100g butter. Check.
- 2 egg yolks, extra costs. I checked the fridge. Yes, my eggs were from Whole Foods, and those are more expensive than Safeway eggs. So I was good on the pricey egg yolks.
- 2 tablespoons Amaretto. Check. (In the end I only used one tbsp.)
- 2 pinches of dried chili flakes. Check.
- 8 grandchildren butter (80g). What?
Oh, I get it! Doing the math, I see that one grandchild is 10 grams, so grandchild must be the quaint French term for a pat of butter. And they must call a stick of butter a child of butter, and a kilo would be the grandparent of butter. Those French, so cute!
Just to be sure, I Googled “petits-beurre,” the ingredient in Sandra’s original French recipe. Oh. It’s a kind of cookie. OK then. Google, will you please inform Google Translate of this? (And while you’re at it, please tell GT that instructing me to pour water into a shop vacuum fried in the oven when baking MC’s Couronne Nantucket is not likely to produce the desired result. Can we use some common sense here?)
So, butter cookies. I had none of those, petit or otherwise. I did, however, have some leftover panettone that I figured I’d slice up and stick in a low oven until bone-dry. It ended up working pretty well. Next time I might include real grandchildren, just to see how that affects the flavor profile.
- 7 biscuits (40g). I didn’t have any biscuits either. Plenty of panettone, though.
- A mixture of 40g blanched almonds, hazelnuts, pine nuts. Check, except for the hazelnuts. And why not use 40g each of almonds and pine nuts, just because?
- 1-2 tbsp icing sugar for coating. Check.
Sandra can tell you how to turn all this stuff into a salami. I’ll just be here making sure no one tries to make my kids into sausage, and saving up to buy more eggs.